Scared to Death

Reflection...

Everyone has their different demons that they have to face. Mine always seem to come back to haunt me at the worse points in time. I managed to fail my entire first semester of college back in 09, and managed to almost get myself killed, but in the process, I got a new set of eyes that have brought me back to being who I am.

I lost sight of my goals and everything that I stood for my first year of college. That was my first taste of real freedom that I never really had, and I abused it more than I should have. I was skipping classes, doing things that I should not have been doing and I paid the price and took the consequences of losing everything that I have and having to start all over again.

The turnaround started last year when I started working for an IT Company at their service desk over the summer, filling in for people as they took vacation. I had done this the past summer but I really wasn’t expecting it this time. I took the job and I did it well. Right around August someone on the team quit and they offered me the position and I took it without a second thought. After I started working full time for them, I signed up for classes and paid for them myself and finished out my first semester with straight B’s. I had completely turned myself around 180 degrees. I have learned that nothing that I do is free and that I have to work as hard as I humanly can to get anywhere in my life.

At the same time that all of this was going on, my best friend decided to take a different turn from me. She took the freedom that she had gained by dating someone who was 25 and moved across the country to be with him, away from rules and parents and away from what I thought were her dreams. She managed to get herself into school in January and by March she was already out of money and wasn’t able to pay for her next semester, but she was able to pay for a trip to Illinois (with her fiancée), 2 cats, a dog, an apartment, more than one car since she has been out there, and a trip to Vegas right around the same time. Money seems to burn a hole in their pockets and it is clear.

This morning, I woke up to a post on my facebook saying that she had just bought Tim McGraw tickets for June 17^th. I am sorry… but there is more to life than trips to Vegas and seeing Tim McGraw live in concert. Instead of paying for that, she could have taken the money that they are spending on these trips and put it towards tuition, or something along those lines. She had watched me screw up every aspect of my life and was right there by my side to help me out, but when I try to help out or offer any advice, I am the asshole because it isn’t my life.

Now that this school year is coming to a close, and I think back to all the crazy things that I did before and kind of laugh at myself a bit… I really was out of my mind. Everything that I am doing now is pretty much where I want to be. I am working full time during the week, have classes almost every night, I manage to keep up with writing reviews for a website, I am saving up for a new car, and I even attempt to keep ahold of a social life (not very well though). We all need to learn to pick our battles better, and we will go farther in everything that we do.

I will never claim to be better than anyone, but I will say that I fight harder than most for what I want.

My Work

I started my job in June of this past year. I started as a temp in 2009 for this company, just filling in for people as they went on vacation, as well as military leaves. As of August 2010, they started training me so that I could become a full time member of the Service desk. I am good at what I do, helping people with their computer issues as best as I can. I learn something new every single day and it helps me get further in my work. I will work my way through everyday the best that I can and pushing for the best that I can be. I may not be the best person but I try the best that I can with everything that I am doing. I have something to prove with everyone that I let down in the last year. I have one semester down. I got straight B's and now I have to keep pushing for excellence even if it isn't perfection. I want to show everyone that I can do this and that I do not need anyone's help or push to get myself where I need to be.

Starting off fresh..

The last year that I went through was pretty much insane. I have been trying to reflect on everything that happened, but I really hate looking back because of how far I have come since it all started. I have made it back into college with the best grades that I have had in all of my years of school, and add in the fact that I am working full time 40 hours a week at a service desk... This is everything that I ever wanted... 19, steady job, living at home, going to school and working out so desk life doesn't end up killing me! Everything seems to be going great for the moment. I am trying to find different things to do (Like getting back to blogging :) ) I am ready to move forward and I hope to bring others with me as I am going on my crazy train. :)

Love
Lyssa

Construction <3

Part of starting a new path is finding how to make it through the reconstruction, Trying to find the way through the new things in life.

When one door closes another door opens

When life gives you lemons...so forth

Finding the new opportunities isnt hard its taking your life and molding it so that the change is at a minimum.

Now there is one construction that drives me insane, please bear with my blog as I try to reconstuct it and make it better for readers as well as for myself with updating

Love & Peace
Alyssa


Change:
Blind Melon

I dont feel the suns comin out today
Its staying in, its gonna find another way.
As I sit here in this misery, I dont
Think Ill ever see the sun from here.
And oh as I fade away,
Theyll all look at me and say, and theyll say,
Hey look at him! Ill never live that way.
But thats okay
Theyre just afraid to change.
When you feel your life aint worth living
Youve got to stand up and
Take a look around you then a look way up to the sky.
And when your deepest thoughts are broken,
Keep on dreaming boy, cause when you stop dreamin its time to die.
And as we all play parts of tomorrow,
Some ways will work and other ways well play.
But I know we all cant stay here forever,
So I want to write my words on the face of today.
And then theyll paint it
And oh as I fade away,
Theyll all look at me and theyll say,
Hey look at him and where he is these days.
When life is hard, you have to change.

Looking for the new path

Looking around and trying to find my new perspective, I see what I have been wanting to see, my life starting right before my eyes. What makes these days different than the past, what makes this time looking around different than all those years in high school? I have been waiting for my life to kick in and with a job, with college starting soon, I believe that I am following the yellow brick road.

Although I am trying to find this way through, I keep coming back to the same guy. No matter what he says or what he does I love him unconditionally

All the Same
Sick Puppies

I dont mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
But I dont like illusions I cant see
Them clearly
I dont care, no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually what you'll do
I dont mind
I dont care
As long as you're here

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
But in-between it always seems too long
Suddenly
But I have the skill, yeah
I have the will, to breath you in while I can
However long you stay is all that I am

I dont mind, I dont care
As long as you're here

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's always the same

Wrong or Right
Black or White
If I close my eyes
Its all the same

In my life
The compromise
I'll close my eyes
Its all the same

Go ahead say it
You're leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are now
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

What should we stand for?

If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything.....

When you stand for something that you believe in no one can shake you, there isnt a person that can tell you that you need to believe something else.

When you don't stand for anything you are more likely to fall.